NiKilla

NiKilla

NUMBER: 11

With the grating growl of an individual tortured with Barbie and High School Musical since birth, NiKilla’s shrill cry alone has turned hundreds of opposition roller derby players into grotesque puddles of blood and guts. Her criminal record, at last measurement, was exactly the same length as the Severn Estuary, which she has incidentally been banned from crossing following an episode in a dismal Mancunian pub. She set fire to an elderly couple who she overheard discussing how much of a pointless sport they thought roller derby was (they weren’t even discussing roller derby, they were actually talking about Christmas turkey). The couple were only identifiable by their dental records, which was no good to anyone as they both had dentures which were traced back to a Boots in Cheltenham.
Like a fierce version of the old woman who lived in a shoe, NiKilla lived in a giant roller skate house until it was repossessed by the council after spending all her money on knee high socks. She now spends her time walking the mean streets of South Wales snarling at the homeless. The name NiKilla was born out of an incident involving an Alsatian. Whilst skating away from the scene of a crime (again) a police dog was released onto her trail. Despite her speed her strong odour meant that the dog was firmly on her trail and eventually caught up. The hapless dog pounced at NiKilla and was caught in midair and eaten whole.  With no home and nothing to lose, beware anyone that takes on NiKilla as you could be the next casualty.